I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
