So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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