Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
