is wine microwaveable?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
