Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
