So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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