I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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