Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
