Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
