my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
