White coat. Heels.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
