so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
