Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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