I skipped work to stalk him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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