when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
