here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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