shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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