There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
