I'm gonna have a badass scar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
