Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
