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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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