I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
