I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
