I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
