i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
