Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
