Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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