The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
