i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
