I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
