dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
