Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
