It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
