get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
