At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
