you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
