just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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