PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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