we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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