She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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