Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
