I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize