It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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