When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
