i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
