While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
