i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
