i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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