just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
