Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
